MANY LIMBS MANY BRANCHES

65. MANY LIMBS MANY BRANCHES:

Despite their prosperity they prosper not - and wanting to do many things they do nothing : and I'm thinking of what any of it means as I dwell on Matthew 25:14- 30 about 'Talents' and I wonder the convoluted stretching of that scene and what such 'talents' really mean to be and are and if not for this moment then for what moment am I born and how to walk about and not squander and how is it distant that such closeness seems to be afar - and if not the Promised Land than what land is this (and yea I am weary unto death with this weariness inside me - and yet I grow tireder still).
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..."[I've got mud for a memory and way too many things and yet I cannot find a thing but just pile up more and the papers which are falling are papers I couldn't locate before and the collected works of whomever it may be aren't much more than supports for what's atop the pile and all of this makes me itchy and mad so I shut the door and walk away muttering something to myself about patience and tact and the last time I was ready to clean this place up I got sick and everything had to wait and then snow came in through the window pane and the old door fell off the hinge (yes HINGE singular) and I started falling asleep right where I sat and the rest is AS THEY SAY history - or at least a history of the dispossessed and those bought by landowners and used as mules and beasts of burden : fixing fences laying concrete hauling lumber chopping trees shedding timber and barking bees and painting barns and houses and sheds and baking the farmer's wife's beans and sleeping in her bed (cheap rhyme that is) and instead of all that I return to Tristram Shandy and reading books and writing ideas and leaving scheduled memos on the tables of yellow stone I'd found but still I'm crowded and doubtful and the only out I see is to go on doing what I'm doing and making sure it's free enough for something to prosper and if it isn't me then may it be YOU for the best part of chivalry is charity and goodness (and mercy) shall follow me DESTITUTE all the DAYS of my life.]..."
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I wasn't real sure of any alliance I should make but I knew I shouldered a burden here that at least had to be examined and just in front of me two horsemen were coming up and through the trees they looked like errant knights on horseback but they turned out instead to be just two people who'd rented the horses at the riding stables adjacent to the park by the west 60's somewhere and I envied them their free-time and their attire and their money too - enough all of that to give them this privileged air of carefree-ness as they proudly rode right across Central Park as if it was their own truly theirs back yard expanse of playful land and greenery and rock and water and what a regal duo they made the two prancing across the grass and dirt oblivious to everything else and me - who'd just as recently been sitting on a simple bench thinking of what to do cashless and stupid in my way in the same vast place as they were but the difference was rank class position and privilege and all THAT in such a classless place as NYC AMERICA ! and I wondered how that came to be but I didn't wonder too much because I knew it wouldn't matter whatever conclusion I came with and whichever path you take it's usually the path you were born to anyway so not too often can you jump declensions so to speak and if you understand that and don't let it bother you it all comes out all right so for me the sunlight and the moon was free (or at least I hoped) and the charge for speaking was mostly non-existent too so I just sat there and watched them fade away across the mesa (or so I was pretending) and for myself my path was pretty plain - find another way to survive or perish.