'NO I NEVER GOT IT'

234. 'NO, I NEVER GOT IT':

['I will build a church in the field, and all around it I will lay (bury) the dead.'] : That was part one of a three part lunatic cycle they were showing at the Rialto and part two it seemed had something to do with Arab terrorism - being subtitled thusly : 'the philosophy of the lunatics - to the Arabs all Amercia is a blow-up doll and Americans are buying dolls by the armload' - which of course I didn't get at all except maybe as a reference to Arabs who blow themselves up to inflict a 'justified' holy terror upon infidels but of that I wasn't sure and it was all like an unmanned car speeding down a freeway anyway - hands off the wheel and watch the wall ahead and then there's a huge fearsome crash and someone's torso goes flying headless through the air or anyway that's what I got from the message and I figured we can make life difficult we can shoot the bastards in the back or we can square off face to face - either way it's one's own choice - and when the bus leaves the continent you better be on it - this new passage of time making a long story short - and this all for your elevated diction and I again recalled some civil rights crusader from 1964 who'd tired of the cause by then and was already sickened by the likes of LBJ and Thurgood Marshall too and who had said 'black boy oh black boy is the port worth the cruise' as a challenge to some fiery radical black-power type he was berating : meaning like 'all this bullshit you're going through and all this trouble you're inciting - what's it for ? what's your end goal ? you want to be equal to whitey so you can swim where he swims and eat where he does ? is that all ? BOY you better think' and that's how crazy everything was - Lucifer versus Lucifer in an incredible tag-team match wherein both sides were together and all ones were the same anyway and I NEVER GOT IT no matter what I heard : the Lucille Lortel Theatre down on Christopher Street was having this play performed and the play itself had been adapted from the movie now also playing (as I said) at the Rialto on 12th Street and people were gauging their ideology and personal race-cause purity by how many times they'd seen both versions - I kid you not - as it all had become some bizarre fetish-like avowal of performance envy and wealth show-off crap superiority over the very people one was supposedly trying to better and what it came down to was the inveterate monied New Yorkers - the Sunday types with the money - fatuously going about their imagined racial 'activism' and rubbing it all in the face of the dispossessed - that's how they were showing their allegiance to the cause : and I figured it always for bullshit pure and simple as anything else was and every Norman Mailer Imiri Baraka Arthur Schlesinger Andy Warhol Truman Capote Robert Kennedy moment taken up in such endeavors was nothing more than filth pure filth -- and the man at the Kit-Kat Club was selling guns in the back room and he was wearing a black cape with a pointed little cap and he looked like nothing no more than a weaselly gay moron to me : emotive Mamma's boy singing his heart out to any other fag along the way : it really was a long time ago and a person was still allowed to talk or think that way : so it little mattered what I said or did I bowed down to no one black white gay straight or in between for a good man could negotiate the shoals and a good girl had nothing to lose (it's easier for girls) she could just give it up and stay happy but a MAN was consumed and on fire and sex burned his loins at every minute of time and avoidance of that somehow caused all these other causes to arise 'activism will save my ever-lovin' day and calm my balls too' but if you want to ask any college kid why they're involved in a crusade they'd say - plain and simple - 'to get laid'.