WE MUST BE SAFEGUARDED

128. WE MUST BE SAFEGUARDED:

If a man could walk sideways along the bottom of the sea - scuttling like a crab perhaps - I'd then believe in something greater than what we experience but it is not to be and like the cistern antics of some runaway prophet and a sister of Abraham too there are just too many things to consider before making a decision of some other kind : where to go when the wind is done how to drink the waters which cannot be drunk and where to place fires which will never go out and WE MUST BE SAFEGUARDED too against something : mythology and all the fabric of lies and deceit : for we are but men with cars and houses and useless for anything else as now we have squandered all nature and ruined all the land and cut all the trees and broken vows to relent and we will never again be passive and holy for we are a terror engulfing the face of the world before us and we perform all the dances of death as needed and 'we arise in the mornings and live through our dreads and finish our destructions and return to our beds' and that is the summation of all our calendars and celebrations and wishes and hopes.

SORT OF LIKE THE LITTLE TRAMP

127. SORT OF LIKE THE LITTLE TRAMP:

And it was nearing dark and I was alone standing almost sideways near the old A. E. Stewart's department store watching a crowd of people rolling along as if tranced and dazed gone and headed somewhere else and I realized it was all like music to me and that I could no longer listen to or hear any song without crying and the tears were coming again and it seemed as if all I had were tears and if not tears then regrets anyway and it was way too early in my life for any of that so I walked up to the lady with the cart and the huge bag and as she was bedraggled and sad I said to her "lady let me help and here's a few dollars" and she looked over to me and said "what ya' crying for I got all the troubles" and she took from my hands what I offered and said "but may the good God bless you too son and I wish you could be my own" and I clasped her hand and muttered "thanks" and walked on as she just stared out oblivious to most anything else and I knew even if I tried to explain history to her or where we were to her and what had occurred here and all that she still wouldn't get it or understand nor care so I went on alone and still befuddled and hoping to never again hear a tune a voice or a word in my life ever but I knew that could never be and I felt as dispirited as anything else right then and thought of Charlie Chaplin and kept on walking towards east - with my head down.

NOBODADDY OF UNIVERSAL HARM

126. NOBODADDY OF UNIVERSAL HARM:

What are we left with ? you want to ask ? not much - donuts and coffee a few interesting details a lot of stories from the old days some photographs of this or that and a hundred story lines to go with them but the audience is now disinterested and anyway too dumb to get most of the connections and too dull to get the joke and all those who worry now worry about everything full time all the time - what they eat how they shit what they can't do what they should do and how to do it how the world is faring where the cold is where the hot is how the seals and butterflies are faring how the jungle sustains itself where the pygmies are how the waters are what smokes are blowing how loudly the noise who said what and to whom and where and why how and most importantly what they can get and who's to blame for what they didn't haven't or can't get and that's the kind of poppycock bullshit fuckass world we live in now - one VAST agglomeration of smoke cum piss fire and blood running over everything right up to neck-high and filling the remainder of everything else with lies deceit and fabrication all for the benefit of MAMMON great gag-God of nothing hollow echo man image of conceit and anger and hate the frizzied frenzy Nobodaddy of universal harm - walk away walk away walk away you must.

FROM CHAUCER TO GIDE

125. FROM CHAUCER TO GIDE:

My leg was killing me right where the knee cap meets the big bone below it and I found I could hardly really move the leg so I started like dragging it a little as I walked and it sometimes caused people to think I was lame or sorry and sad or something but I wasn't always it just hurt more at certain times than other times but getting around in a tired old city when you too are tired if not old anyway was a bit more difficult but there are so many places to sit it's pretty easy to rest or take a break - a hundred little parks and places with benches and the entire expanse of Central Park West with all its benches and observers and people around and it's easy to get nice real quick in that sort of environment and I tried always to keep a small book with me - in a pocket or something - so I always had something to continue reading and a notebook and pencil too with which I could write notes make sketches or memos to myself about things and sometimes even draw people as I saw them if I could - remember at this time I had not much else and certainly no camera of any sort so all I had to witness with was my mind and my eyes and my mind's eye of course so I was pretty certain to be deliberate about things and try to train myself to remember clearly what I was seeing and somewhere even right now I have numerous numerous little coil-bound notebooks from those times as I walked putting words or poetries or things together - long streams of things and instant and raw as I could make them and then I'd rework or distill them later into other things or shorter pieces that I thought stood together well and by that I'd amassed after a while a goodly portion of nice work - at least I thought anyway - and didn't really care about what others thought.

SUDDENLY THERE IS NO VALIDATION:

124. SUDDENLY THERE IS NO VALIDATION:

Suddenly there is no validation and your God is a weak God who sends a message down and says : 'Humankind this humankind is a failed experiment over which we have lost control and as a virus that has run amuck they are now amassed and out of control and beyond any wrenching pull of the Gods or of Myself and this loss of control impels Me to great and immense efforts at sadness and sorrow as only befits a 'God' but I can do nothing and have lost control as this bad seed spreads and ravages and distorts and enables everything bad to spread and for this mad race there is no longer any validation as they have been disowned YET We still must make a decision - and we watch for what we can - a decision about what to do and how to do it : fire blight destruction disease starvation war plague or a simple mass destruction by geography and the element of the cosmos BUT we do NOT yet know what course we shall take and at our edges we reserve the COLD and/or the HOT as two choices open and possible - for this earth species of all types and natures is crazed mad defective and out of control and simply something must and will be done yet for now we have simply abandoned this maddening and failed experiment and given it over to Evil itself' and such were the words of God imparted and now listen at your own pace consider the alternatives and make your choice - deliberate and careful oh Mankind - for you shall surely rue your mistakes as you make them.

WITTGENSTEIN TAKES TO THE STREETS

123. WITTGENSTEIN TAKES TO THE STREETS, (NYC, Aug., 1967)

'Immolient amostacia cartana mesia' meaning (I was told) something like 'if I ever get your head I'm going to burn it in acid' was pretty much the feeling on the streets back then for the landed gentry and the rich and ruling classes (as they were called) and there was envy everywhere and the people who had nothing seemed filled with hatred for those who had something anything and everyone wanted place and attribute literally WANTED what others had but thought it to be theirs somehow by birthright - which of course it never is and never can be - but there's no solution for envy or bad taste either and the two of them together make for some powerful medicine : here I remembered a little rhyming thing I'd heard about the average life of the average man and started smiling to myself because it was still funny and still fitting so well 'first you get puking and mewling / then very pissed off with your schooling / then fucks and then fights / then judging chaps' rights / then sitting in slippers - then drooling' that was by Robert Conquest and it was like a new riddle of the Sphinx or something even though we didn't need it of course but when your head's filled with words most anything's liable to pop out and the storehouse of memory has many strange pillows stuffed into it and the rabbi says 'God isn't redundant' which I guess I can understand and they use it as a reason to read a text and then come up with a totally different interpretation of it - which was always somehow puzzling to me but much of it was based on the old magical rites of an old religion and these rabbis of course were always trying to burnish their credentials for wisdom and religious knowledge and I guess that was OK too but sometimes it makes a person weary after a while - how much of all this stuff can a person take anyway ? and after a while every little bit of this was getting to be contentious and annoying to me - the rabble in streets shouting for 'rights' the soldiers unhappy with the war they had to fight the parents and voters at home protesting in the streets the atrocity of their own war the daily body counts the foolish newscasters mouthing the lines they thought they really meant and everywhere it was the same the bewailings of stupid lost folk - without reference past any point except an immediate and dead culture right there at the ends of their noses and what were called 'limousine liberals' walking through poor neighborhoods to show their 'solidarity' (yeah that made me laugh) and the unfettered tongues of a hundred Jew leftists bellowing about this or that about a holocaust and an old dead war while their little NY ghettos were stripped of everything else INCLUDING them and like Wittgenstein said 'what is your aim in philosophy? - to show the fly the way out of the fly bottle' but I can never remember if that was a question or a statement as he said it.