YOU SHALL SEE WHAT IS THERE

19. AND YOU TOO SHALL SEE WHAT IS THERE:

It was once then I said to God “tell me why is that mountain there?” and AMAZINGLY I received a quite unlikely answer in power and smoke to the effect that ‘in ways it is there so are there ways it is not there’ and saying nothing back I merely looked skyward to see everything else disappear except the moment we shared and laughter shook the heavens while all sound ceased and I came back alone without ever retelling the story I’d heard - and then commingled with situation and essence I lived out the rest of my days remembering the fountain and the square and the inner light and the awful mathematics of what we live and the INESSENTIAL motivation became the magic of my life while Winter slowly settled in as I witnessed - trees changing leaf light switching colors nature flung backwards fires on the waters and spiritual beings paddling sideways through our forms and NOTHING ever answered me again like that but still I was happy in my own singular way - and NOW I can verily say back to you ‘take up the time you live make master and control of everything you do stay far outside the ken of man remove yourself from motivation and logic and reason combine your own energy to power a dynamo unknown AND THEN everything will become clear to you AND YOU TOO SHALL SEE WHAT IS THERE ! and I never did attain the heights I expected but found a comfort instead in the simple ‘where I am’ and without effort I comported my words to bring others to some form of fruition and I walked white bridges across paddling brooks and I talked with ghosts in graveyards of fern leaf and moss and I read the old names on the crumbling stones and felt bricks from eras ago and every wall fell as my own feet surpassed them ‘I never thought there would come a time like this when my own testament made more sense than anything around me did and all through the earlier years as I walked with people now gone I once thought of truth as now what is falsehood and lies but they THEY are all gone and I can recite names as they passed and legions of stalwarts and shadows whose faces yet linger like smoke at some tomb but it is as if (climbing that bier) I can see everything that ever was’ – those words were written while once climbing the hill to the top where the old mill was seen in the distance but its water wheel gone was merely idea and the 140 year old iron bridge flaked parts of its rust to the waters below and it shook as it creaked and I stayed with my feet in the spot the most treachery was and I realized (like life on a boxtop of nothing) that everything had its value and everything had its worth but MOST IMPORTANTLY everything had its meaning for being but the ideal state is a moment too late to have any sense in the living.